When someone you care about tells you they are having suicidal thoughts, you do not have to solve the problem yourself. Your role is to listen, take what they are saying seriously, help them remain safe, and connect them with people who can provide appropriate care.
Suicidal thoughts can be related to depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, substance use, trauma, and other mental health concerns. Access to treatment and support can help people struggling with thoughts of self-harm move through a crisis and regain a sense of hope. Here are some steps that can help you respond in a way that’s compassionate, loving, and focused on helping them move towards getting the support they need.
6 Things to Do When Someone Tells You They’re Having Suicidal Thoughts
1. Listen Without Judgment
One of the most helpful things you can do when a person is struggling with their mental health is to simply listen. Resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or explain why the person should feel differently. Someone who is experiencing suicidal thoughts may already feel isolated, ashamed, or like a burden to the people around them. A judgmental or dismissive response can make it harder for them to ask for help again.
Let the person know that you are glad they trusted you enough to talk about what they are experiencing. You might tell them that you care about them, that you are there to listen, and that they do not have to face the situation alone.
Listening does not mean agreeing that suicide is the answer. It means acknowledging that the person’s emotional pain is real and giving them an opportunity to talk about it openly.
2. Ask Directly About Suicide
If someone has already expressed thoughts about death or not wanting to live, it is appropriate to ask, “Are you thinking about suicide?”
If they say yes, continue the conversation. You can ask whether they have thought about how they might hurt themselves, whether they have access to the means they are considering, and whether they believe they might act on those thoughts.
You do not need to conduct a clinical assessment. The purpose of these questions is to better understand how immediate the risk may be so that you can take appropriate steps to protect their safety.
3. Don’t Minimize Their Pain
When someone we love is suffering, our natural instinct is to reassure them. We might tell them that things will get better, remind them of everything they have to live for, or encourage them to focus on the positive aspects of their life.
Although these responses usually come from a place of love, they can sometimes leave a person feeling as though their pain has not been understood. That can compound their sense of isolation and distress.
Rather than trying to talk your friend or family member out of their feelings with toxic positivity, acknowledge what they are experiencing. Let them know that you can see they are hurting and that you want to help them find a way through it.
You do not have to agree with a person’s belief that their situation is hopeless. You can recognize the severity of their distress while helping them understand that suicidal thoughts do not have to determine what happens next.
4. Create a Safer Environment
If someone you care about is experiencing suicidal thoughts, consider whether there are things nearby that could be used to cause serious harm. When it is possible to do so safely, help create distance between the person and potentially dangerous items, including firearms, medications, or other means of self-harm.
Suicidal thoughts can fluctuate in intensity. Creating a safer environment can help prevent an impulsive decision from becoming a permanent one.
It is also important not to promise to keep suicidal thoughts a secret. Someone may ask you not to tell anyone because they are afraid of what will happen next. You can respect their privacy while still explaining that you need to involve additional support if you believe their safety is at risk. When their life may be in danger, protecting them has to take priority over keeping the conversation private.
5. Know When a Crisis Requires Immediate Help
There are situations in which it is important to seek emergency assistance rather than trying to manage the crisis on your own. If your loved one has a specific suicide plan, has access to the means to carry it out, has already attempted to hurt themselves, or tells you that they intend to act on their thoughts soon, take the situation seriously and seek immediate help.
Stay with the person if you can do so safely while contacting emergency or crisis services. In the United States, you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which provides free, confidential crisis support 24 hours a day.
If there is an immediate threat to someone’s life, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
Our Iowa Resource Guide for Mental Health Crisis provides additional information about resources available during a mental health crisis.
6. Help Them Connect With Professional Treatment
In Bettendorf, Iowa, Eagle View Behavioral Health provides acute inpatient psychiatric care for adolescents and adults experiencing significant psychiatric symptoms or emotional distress. Inpatient treatment is designed to provide a safe, structured environment where individuals can stabilize while receiving comprehensive mental health care.
For those who do not require 24-hour inpatient treatment, outpatient behavioral health care can provide ongoing support while allowing them to remain at home. Treatment may include individual and group therapy, medication management, and evidence-based approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
If you’d like to learn more about the programs we have available or request a free, confidential assessment for your loved one, reach out to our admissions team today.
