From a young age, girls are praised for being helpful, nurturing, and selfless. Little girls are given baby dolls, told they’re “mama’s little helper,” and encouraged to comfort others before they learn how to comfort themselves. As adults, this early conditioning evolves into an unspoken contract. Women are expected to juggle parenting, elder care, emotional labor, and household responsibilities—often without recognition, rest, or support.
This expectation becomes even more complicated for women living with anxiety disorders. What others view as “superwoman strength” may actually be a survival response rooted in hypervigilance, fear of judgment, and an unrelenting need to anticipate every problem before it occurs.
The result? Caregiving stops being a role and becomes an identity that feels impossible to set down.
Worn Thin by Invisible Expectations
Research from the Pew Research Center shows that in heterosexual households, women still perform the majority of caregiving tasks, even when they work full-time jobs. And according to a 2025 AARP report, three in five family caregivers in the U.S. are women, many of whom report increased levels of stress, anxiety, and burnout.
When society tells women they must be everything to everyone, they’re praised for giving everything and blamed when they finally run empty. This is precisely why singer Paris Paloma had a viral hit in 2023 with her song “Labour,” which describes the frustration that comes from endless caregiving and points out that “It’s not an act of love if you make her.”
Women keep the rest of the world running because they’ve been taught to buy into internalized beliefs that sound like:
- “I should be able to do more.”
- “If I ask for help, I’m failing.”
- “I can’t rest—everything will fall apart without me.”
- “My needs come last. Always.”
These thoughts aren’t just emotional noise. They’re echoes of a system that measures a woman’s worth by how much she sacrifices. For anxious women, this cultural script becomes especially dangerous. Anxiety thrives in environments where there’s no room for rest or error.
Why It’s Hard to Step Back
Many women don’t realize caregiving has become a full-time identity until they feel completely depleted. They may think they’re “just tired” or “need to push through.”
It’s important to remember that burnout is not just physical. It’s also emotional. When caregiving becomes constant, anxiety often intensifies.
Psychologists call this phenomenon role engulfment—a situation where one identity overshadows all others. For women with anxiety, role engulfment creates a false belief that their value only comes from service. Their job, their rest, even their health takes a back seat to others’ needs.
Common signs of caregiving-related anxiety include:
- Chronic guilt
- Trouble setting boundaries or asking for support
- Emotional exhaustion masked as irritability, numbness, or withdrawal
- Feeling as if every outcome depends on them
- Struggling to define themselves outside of what they do for others
How to Reclaim Your Identity Without Letting Anyone Down
Reclaiming your sense of self doesn’t mean walking away from your loved ones. It means including yourself in the caregiving equation.
Let’s take a look at some small but powerful ways to get started.
1. Name the Cultural Pressure
Start by naming the unspoken rules you were taught.
- “I’m only valuable if I’m useful.”
- “Rest is laziness.”
- “Good mothers, mothers, and daughters don’t say no when they are needed.”
These aren’t truths. They’re simply inherited beliefs that are holding you back from being your best self. Try writing your own affirmations to replace them:
- “I am worthy, even when I take time to rest or perform acts of self-care.”
- “I do not have to earn love by working myself to exhaustion.”
- “My needs are valid.”
2. Redefine What Strength Looks Like
Strength has long been framed as endurance. For anxious caregivers, this definition is especially harmful because it rewards self-neglect.
Redefining strength means recognizing that constantly holding everything together is not resilience. True strength allows for limits. It acknowledges that being human includes needing rest, help, and compassion—especially from yourself. And perhaps most importantly, it creates space for you to exist as a whole person—not just the one who holds everyone else up.
3. Start With One Act of Self-Inclusion
When your identity is built on serving others, self-care can feel like self-indulgence. But try starting small. It could be five minutes alone, a kind word to yourself, or saying no to one extra task.
These acts may feel uncomfortable at first, but they are vital. They are the bricks in a new foundation where you matter, too.
4. Surround Yourself With People Who Get What You’re Going Through
Whether you’re a stressed-out single parent, an overwhelmed member of the sandwich generation, the sole caregiver for a disabled spouse, or just worried about how to support a loved one who is going through a rough patch, you’re not alone in this. You deserve spaces where your story is safe, and your needs are respected.
Find people who see you, not just what you do. This could be a support group, a friend who doesn’t expect you to have all the answers, or a therapist who helps you reconnect with your needs.
At Eagle View Behavioral Health, we specialize in helping women step out of survival mode and into a healthier way of living. Therapy can help you:
- Challenge feelings of internalized guilt
- Learn to set boundaries without shame
- Regulate anxiety that’s rooted in chronic overfunctioning
- Rediscover who you are beyond caregiving
Whether you’re barely holding on or just beginning to ask if there’s more to life than caring for others, we’re here to help. Contact us today to request a free, confidential assessment or to learn more about the services offered at our Bettendorf, Iowa mental health treatment facility.
