Boundaries define where you end and others begin. When you’re dealing with mental health challenges, these lines can often blur—leading to increased stress and a general worsening of your symptoms.
Setting boundaries to protect your mental health means establishing clear limits on what you will and will not accept in your relationships and daily life. Boundaries help you:
- Recognize your limits
- Communicate your needs
- Separate your needs from the needs of others
- Prioritize your personal well-being and self-care
What It Looks Like When You Don’t Set Clear Boundaries
It’s not always easy to see that your boundary-setting skills could use some work. To illustrate what life looks like when you don’t have healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life, let’s look at a hypothetical week for Sarah—a teacher who struggles with an anxiety disorder and has difficulty saying “no” to others.
Monday
Sarah arrives at school early to prepare for her upcoming classes. A fellow teacher stops by her classroom and vents about personal problems for 45 minutes. Despite having her own work to do, Sarah listens attentively. She ends up rushing through her preparation and feels anxious all morning.
That evening, a friend calls with a last-minute babysitting request. It’s not an emergency; the friend simply wants to go on a date with a man she met the day before. Even though Sarah had wanted to go to a yoga class, she agrees and cancels her plans.
Tuesday
During her lunch break, Sarah’s principal asks if she will be a member of the committee that is organizing a fundraiser for new playground equipment. Sarah is already on three committees and overwhelmed by the extra work, but she smiles and says, “Of course, I’d be happy to help!” She skips lunch to start on the new tasks.
Wednesday
Sarah’s ex-boyfriend reaches out to say he misses her. Even though Sarah knows the relationship was emotionally draining, she engages in a long conversation and agrees to meet for coffee on Saturday.
Then, she stays up late grading papers and responding to parent emails that could easily have waited until the next day. She goes to bed at 2 a.m.—knowing she’ll be exhausted the following day.
Thursday
One of Sarah’s students continues to disrupt her lessons. Instead of enforcing consequences, Sarah tries to appease him and derails her lesson plan. She feels guilty and wonders if other teachers have similar problems.
After school, a parent corners her in the parking lot to ask why their child received a B on a recent project. Sarah spends 30 minutes justifying the grade and ends up missing her doctor’s appointment.
Friday
Sarah’s roommate throws a last-minute party. Even though Sarah has a migraine, she doesn’t ask her roommate to keep it down. She puts on a happy face and mingles with guests—wishing instead that she could rest in her quiet, dark bedroom.
Saturday
Sarah meets her ex for coffee. He wants to get back together and promises his toxic behavior is in the past. She leaves feeling confused and manipulated.
After the coffee date, Sarah receives an email about an urgent deadline for a grant proposal. Sarah cancels her plan to visit her sister and spends hours working on the proposal in the hopes of impressing the principal with her dedication to her job.
Sunday
Sarah sleeps most of the day because she’s mentally and physically exhausted. When she wakes up, she’s already feeling anxious about the week ahead.
How to Set Boundaries That Break the Cycle
Sarah’s problem is that she consistently prioritizes others’ needs and comfort over her own. She avoids conflict at all costs, fails to communicate her own needs, and takes on responsibilities that aren’t hers.
If you identify with Sarah, know that you can begin advocating for yourself. Here’s a brief outline of the steps involved in setting boundaries that protect your mental health:
- Reflect on your limits. What situations trigger your anxiety? When do you feel your depression deepening? Self-awareness is the foundation of boundary-setting, so it’s important to identify what specific aspects of your life need to change.
- Identify your needs. Once you’ve pinpointed what drains or upsets you, consider what you need to start to feel better. Maybe you need more alone time, or perhaps you want people to ask before giving advice on sensitive topics.
- Communicate your boundaries to others. This step is often the most challenging, especially if you struggle with assertiveness. Remember, you don’t need to justify your boundaries. It’s enough to simply say, “I’m not comfortable with that” or “That doesn’t work for me.”
- Be consistent. Boundaries are only effective if they’re consistently maintained. People may test your new limits, often unintentionally. You must stand firm.
Examples of Boundaries You Might Find Helpful
Setting boundaries is not a one-size-fits-all process. Your boundaries should be tailored to your unique needs. However, let’s look at a list of some common boundaries to help you get started.
Work-Related Boundaries
- Clearly define your working hours and stick to them.
- Say no to extra projects when you’re at capacity.
- Take your allotted breaks, even if it means stepping away from your desk.
Relationship Boundaries
- Establish topics that are off-limits if certain discussions trigger your mental health symptoms.
- Set limits on the emotional labor you provide to others.
- Decline invitations when you’re not up for socializing.
- Let others know when you have the emotional capacity to discuss heavy topics and when you don’t.
Digital Boundaries
- Set time limits for your social media use.
- Unfollow or mute accounts that negatively impact your mental health.
- Turn off notifications during your designated quiet hours.
When Boundaries Aren’t Enough
While boundaries are powerful tools for managing your mental health, they’re not a substitute for professional help. If you find that despite your best efforts, your mental health symptoms continue to significantly impact your daily functioning, it may be time to consider additional support. Reach out to the team at Eagle View Behavioral Health in Bettendorf, Iowa, today for a free, confidential assessment.
